Upon reflecting on the many things I have done and seen in second life I've come to wonder just what my main motivation has been. What is it that I'm looking for? Am I trying to fill some sort of void? Or am I simply trying to entertain myself? I don't know anymore.
If I am trying to fill a void I wish I knew what it was. Because right now, I'm still prey to a great big feeling of emptiness. Sometimes I can forget, and my friends have been wonderful at helping me work my way almost out of the void. But oft times there's nothing to keep me from wondering if I've really been doing anything worthwhile or not.
If I'm trying to entertain myself, why is it that I am only partially successful? Shouldn't I be happy and well entertained if it has been for my amusement? I feel like this cannot be the correct answer either. If it was merely for entertainment there would be some sort of feeling of closure. There is no closure though, so it can't be that I'm searching for entertainment.
Maybe I'm looking for someplace to belong? I have made some wonderful friends, and even feel comfortable and at home at times. But lately that feeling wavers and drifts. There's not always a safe haven. Not all actions are certain and not all people are honest. There are people that want nothing more than to hurt others. This worries me.
Just what is it that I should be doing? Can I do anything different to find my place? What is my niche now? I don't know. I really don't know.
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